A quick wedding officiant checklist…

How many of the following apply to you?
	You are from different faith traditions and want to honor each
	You want to create a ceremony that’s spiritual, but not religious
	You want a simple civil ceremony that represents the essence of who you are.
	You want to create a meaningful, symbol-filled ceremony that resonates with your spiritual beliefs.
	You’re ready to participate fully in the creation of our wedding ceremony.
	You want your ceremony to be about YOU.
	You’re looking for an officiant who will take the time to get to know you, who’s knowledgeable and professional, but also creative and FUN!

WHAT I WANT YOU TO KNOW

A message from “Rev Deb”

In addition to all of the other fun things I do, I am also an ordained Interfaith Minister. I’ve been performing weddings since 2000, after completing my Master’s thesis on the power of transformative rituals… isn’t that exactly what a wedding ceremony is? Ironically, when my husband Peter and I were married in 1981, we created our own ceremony with a minister and rabbi – pretty radical idea at the time. I certainly never thought I’d be helping couples do the same, 25+ years later!

Sometimes the couples I work with are from different faith traditions, and want to find common spiritual ground to celebrate this most joyous of life's passages.

Other times, couples are simply looking for a unique, creative way to express their love for and commitment to one another; they want someone to partner with them in creating a very personal and meaningful ceremony with little of the language, music, or visual symbols of a "traditional" wedding.

And of course, I'm delighted to work with same-sex couples who want to sacralize their bond in a special way as well. In all instances, we work together to craft a simple and beautiful ceremony which blends your vision and my expertise.

HOW TO CREATE YOUR IDEAL CEREMONY

When you decide to create your own wedding ceremony, the world's traditions are your playing field. Certainly, you can opt for a creative blend of the religions of your respective families. You may even want to have more than one officiate present to represent different faith traditions. I have co-officiated with Rabbis, Buddhist Priests, and Christian Ministers, sometimes even with 2 others!

Or, you can opt for a contemporary ceremony which is completely original, drawing on elements and rituals from multiple traditions, including Native American, Celtic, Sufism, Islam, Earth-Centered Spirituality, Hinduism, Egyptian, to name a few.

You're invited to bring all your ideas to our first planning session and we'll also draw from the resources I've compiled over the years. If you're undecided about the location for your ceremony, I have lots of suggestions in the New York metro area as well. This is your ceremony and it will be as elaborate or simple as you want it to be.

"We just wanted to thank you for the MOST beautiful wedding ceremony. It was absolutely US.. Everyone thought we had known you for years and said it was the best ceremony they had ever been to. You have such a gift and we feel blessed to have had you wed us!" All our love, Amy and Louis

BASIC CEREMONY STRUCTURE

For couples who are looking for a short, sweet, ceremony, these are the basic components:

OPENING WORDS -- brief statement about the meaning and value of love and marriage, personalized to talk about the two of you.

READINGS -- affirm and support the opening statement about love and marriage.

QUESTION OF INTENT -- asks the couple to promise the community that they will create a stable, lasting marriage.

VOWS -- the promises the couple make to each other.

EXCHANGE OF RINGS -- blessed by the officiate and exchanged as symbols of the promises made in the vows.

BLESSING -- offered by the officiant in support of the marriage.

CLOSING WORDS -- a statement of hope for the future.

ANNOUNCEMENT OR DECLARATION -- summary and affirmation of what has just occurred. It is followed by THE KISS which marks the end of the ceremony!

SAMPLING OF SPECIAL WEDDING RITUALS

For those couples who want to add some unique, personal touches to the Basic Ceremony:

Unity candle   Blessing ribbons Handfasting   Sharing special food and drink Giving of Roses   Taking your measure Sand ceremony   Breaking the glass Braided circle of commitment   Jumping the broom …. Plus many more!

	The wedding ceremony you presided over for Chris and Catherine was absolutely phenomenal! So many wedding guests have telephoned, written or emailed to sing your praises. It truly was an extraordinary service! I have never witnessed a more meaningful wedding service, ever. Thank you for making this wonderful day and wonderful memory. Love, Gretchen (mother of the bride)

HOW TO AUTHOR YOUR VOWS

Once we’ve agree on all the various components outlined above, we come to what I think is the most meaningful part of the wedding ceremony – your vows to each other. Now, I think I’m really good at what I do, but I also know from years of experience that the most powerful part of my ceremonies is when the bride and groom express their love and promises directly to each other, in their own words – something that doesn’t happen in most traditional ceremonies.

Your vows can be in the form of a two or three-line declaration, a story, poem, or letter… whatever best reflects your personality – the idea is to create a heartfelt declaration that captures your love and excitement in making this joyful commitment. Don’t worry… there’s no memorizing – I’ll hold the book for you to read your own words. They can be as simple or as eloquent as you choose and if you're feeling nervous or stuck, I will coach you both through the process and have several books I can recommend as well – check the Weddings section on the Resources page. Any couple who’s ever been reticent about writing their vows have always thanked me in the end for nudging them!

ADDITIONAL WEDDING SERVICES

Pre-Marital Coaching
Sometimes it's helpful to have an objective third party hold the space for a couple as they contemplate the big issues of creating and sustaining a lifelong relationship. Work, family time, children, in-laws, spiritual life… these are some of the areas we can address so you can begin this new journey with confidence and excitement.

This can be done in 2 or 3 informal sessions, or you might want to consider the more structured 5-week program (complete with 55-page workbook) called "Partners in Life" (PIL). For more information on this powerful program, please check the bottom of the Relationship Coaching page.

Bridesmaid CelebrationCircle
Imagine creating a magical web of support the day before the wedding with all of the special women (and girls) in the bridal party. We create an atmosphere of sacred play, allowing them to celebrate what they love most about the bride and giving her an opportunity to thank them for all their love and support.

Magical Bridal Showers
These are typically arranged with someone other than the bride and provide an opportunity for her friends and family to create a truly meaningful (but still thoroughly fun) celebration for her. Sorry, I'm not giving any details here… it's a surprise, so have your Maid of Honor call me!

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We have received tons of compliments on the ceremony and can't thank you enough. We were a little nervous that people wouldn't quite agree with our decision to have a non-denominational ceremony, but they loved it! It was heartfelt and personal and it was everything we wanted. We will always have a very special place in our hearts for you and will definitely keep you in mind for our future celebrations! Again, words cannot express how thankful we are. Be well! Christina & Michael

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So, if you want to create a personal, meaningful ceremony with a creative, experienced professional, please give me a call at 212-665-9660. or email me so we can set up an FREE introductory meeting!  

Deborah S. Roth, MA, PCC
Life Transition Coach, Relationship Coach, Interfaith Minister
Phone (212)665-9660
Email: Deborah@SpiritedLiving.com